What am I doing? I'm building a door. It's a big door, stretching so high I can't reach the top. It will extend from way over there on that side all the way over there on the other side.
You are probably wondering what kind of door I am buidling. It's not an ordinary door with a wood frame and a wooden sill, hinges, a door knob, and all the things that ordinary doors have. No, this door is no ordinary door at all. You see, my door is made out of brick, bricks that are heavy and firm and strong. I can visualize the bricks being black or blue. Each brick has holes in it. You know the kind we liked to stick our fingers in when we were kids. Normally these bricks are used with mortar filling in the holes to give the finished product extra strength. In my door I'm laying bricks on their side so that the holes provide little spaces to see through. When I'm finished my door will be permanent. There will be no door handle on either side. In order for my door to open, it will have to swing toward me. I will not be able to open this door by myself; if it is to open at all, it will require someone on the other side to push it. Someone who is very strong - for my door is a very heavy one that will require great effort to move. The opener will have to really want to push this door back. It won't move easily and it probably won't move at all unless someone is willing to put a lot of effort into the opening.
I don't know why I must build this door, I don't even really want to. I guess it's just something that I have to do. I'm getting better at building my door. It didn't used to be this easy. I can remember when I was much younger, I couldn't build this door at all. But I've learned the building business well. Time after time I've learned to build little sections of it until now I can do this almost completely without thinking about it. It is very hard for me to describe my door to you so that you can understand it. But I'll try.
You might describe my door in one word. I think that word would be rejection. Sometimes it's a word, a gesture, sometimes just a look or a visible attitude that rejects me. It's the light in your eyes that I can see turn off when I've said something. It's the way you look at me sometimes that tells me you can't accept me as a person. I guess however I see it, it's the denial of me and my right to be that is the final stage of this rejection.
So I build my door. I have no real other choice. I can't tell you not to reject me because I'm afraid of the contempt and complete darkness that this would cause. I can't do much of anything about it either. You see, it's you that are doing the rejecting. I am powerless to do much of anything about it. But I must act; if I don't do something I'll die, maybe slowly, but surely. I can't stand to really continue to look at what I see without being hurt, and seeing only increases and intensified the hurt. I'm not very strong, you see, and even a little hurt decreases what strength I have.
If I can't win, at least I can choose my method of losing. So I build my door to shut me off from the rejection and the hurt that it brings.
I leave the holes in the bricks so that I can still see, but I am afraid that someday the holes will begin to fill and then I won't even be able to see from behind my door. Then everything will be dark and I'll be completely, utterly, alone.
I don't want that to happen. I don't want to be alone, so I thought I would tell you about my door. If you know about it and you really care about it and about me, you will be able to do something. You see your caring is your strength and as I told you, it will take real strength to push my door open again. I will probably try to stop you unless I feel your sincerity and caring. Otherwise, I will nto be able to the risk of letting you know me as I really am. I won't dare to take the risk of your opening the door for fear that I will only have to build it again, this time stronger than before. I need your acceptance, your caring. You can help me get rid of this door. It can be taken down just as it was built, brick by brick. You can make it so that I don't need the door any longer. You can - if you will. You can help me build a bridge of these same bricks- a bridge that we can then both cross and meet each other as real people and be free.
How will you know when you meet? How will you know me so that you can help me build not a door, but a bridge? So that this can be I'll tell you who I am. I'll take the risk for now. You see I'm every man and every woman you'll ever meet. Look for me. I'll be waiting to know caring and sharing. I'll be waiting...
We all have our own doors and our own bridges. We all have caused people to build their own doors through harsh words that we've spoken or didn't speak. When this happens all we can do is ask for forgivness and wait. It's difficult during this time to resist building our own doors, but it's important to focus on bridge building not door buidling. As always, it's your choice.
LIVE it up,
-ZZ-
You are probably wondering what kind of door I am buidling. It's not an ordinary door with a wood frame and a wooden sill, hinges, a door knob, and all the things that ordinary doors have. No, this door is no ordinary door at all. You see, my door is made out of brick, bricks that are heavy and firm and strong. I can visualize the bricks being black or blue. Each brick has holes in it. You know the kind we liked to stick our fingers in when we were kids. Normally these bricks are used with mortar filling in the holes to give the finished product extra strength. In my door I'm laying bricks on their side so that the holes provide little spaces to see through. When I'm finished my door will be permanent. There will be no door handle on either side. In order for my door to open, it will have to swing toward me. I will not be able to open this door by myself; if it is to open at all, it will require someone on the other side to push it. Someone who is very strong - for my door is a very heavy one that will require great effort to move. The opener will have to really want to push this door back. It won't move easily and it probably won't move at all unless someone is willing to put a lot of effort into the opening.
I don't know why I must build this door, I don't even really want to. I guess it's just something that I have to do. I'm getting better at building my door. It didn't used to be this easy. I can remember when I was much younger, I couldn't build this door at all. But I've learned the building business well. Time after time I've learned to build little sections of it until now I can do this almost completely without thinking about it. It is very hard for me to describe my door to you so that you can understand it. But I'll try.
You might describe my door in one word. I think that word would be rejection. Sometimes it's a word, a gesture, sometimes just a look or a visible attitude that rejects me. It's the light in your eyes that I can see turn off when I've said something. It's the way you look at me sometimes that tells me you can't accept me as a person. I guess however I see it, it's the denial of me and my right to be that is the final stage of this rejection.
So I build my door. I have no real other choice. I can't tell you not to reject me because I'm afraid of the contempt and complete darkness that this would cause. I can't do much of anything about it either. You see, it's you that are doing the rejecting. I am powerless to do much of anything about it. But I must act; if I don't do something I'll die, maybe slowly, but surely. I can't stand to really continue to look at what I see without being hurt, and seeing only increases and intensified the hurt. I'm not very strong, you see, and even a little hurt decreases what strength I have.
If I can't win, at least I can choose my method of losing. So I build my door to shut me off from the rejection and the hurt that it brings.
I leave the holes in the bricks so that I can still see, but I am afraid that someday the holes will begin to fill and then I won't even be able to see from behind my door. Then everything will be dark and I'll be completely, utterly, alone.
I don't want that to happen. I don't want to be alone, so I thought I would tell you about my door. If you know about it and you really care about it and about me, you will be able to do something. You see your caring is your strength and as I told you, it will take real strength to push my door open again. I will probably try to stop you unless I feel your sincerity and caring. Otherwise, I will nto be able to the risk of letting you know me as I really am. I won't dare to take the risk of your opening the door for fear that I will only have to build it again, this time stronger than before. I need your acceptance, your caring. You can help me get rid of this door. It can be taken down just as it was built, brick by brick. You can make it so that I don't need the door any longer. You can - if you will. You can help me build a bridge of these same bricks- a bridge that we can then both cross and meet each other as real people and be free.
How will you know when you meet? How will you know me so that you can help me build not a door, but a bridge? So that this can be I'll tell you who I am. I'll take the risk for now. You see I'm every man and every woman you'll ever meet. Look for me. I'll be waiting to know caring and sharing. I'll be waiting...
We all have our own doors and our own bridges. We all have caused people to build their own doors through harsh words that we've spoken or didn't speak. When this happens all we can do is ask for forgivness and wait. It's difficult during this time to resist building our own doors, but it's important to focus on bridge building not door buidling. As always, it's your choice.
LIVE it up,
-ZZ-
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